You might know already that when I was 14 I fell into a deep depression. It lasted till the beginning of the year I turned 17. I thought of taking my life a lot. Tried about twice but somehow I always stopped myself before it would not be reversible. To shut up my feeling I ate sweets, cookies, chocolate and ice cream. When I ate I didn't have to care about how bad I was feeling. Sadly that behavior have stuck with me and I still do it. It's a hard habit to break.
Today I'm feeling pretty much just down. All the pressure from getting a job, moving out and growing up the last part is getting too heavy and today I broke in front of a man I don't even know. I'm so tired off it all and just want it to go in the right direction for once. And I'm going to be honest.. There have been days where I've wondered if the only way would be to sell myself. I'm desperate. Soon I'll probably apply for a job where I would be needing a sick leave in a year.
I'm feeling really down today and it feels like I'll be giving up for today and eat more calories that I'm aloud too. I just want the hopelessness to go away.
No comments:
Post a Comment